¿Is this really worthwile?

[...]...1st of June
Dear Eddy:
Maybe, I don’t really want to know why, but I’m not feeling good these days.It seems like everything is perfect in life, but at the same time I can feel I’m going down.I’m going down Eddy.Nobody is able to see this disaster, nor do I, but I can feel it.Something really bad is about to happen and this time I won’t be able to stop it.Maybe it’s the reason why they say life is just a big shit full of dancing puppets like me and you and every single human being playing this stupid game.Sometimes I think I’m just wasting my time, that I could be more than this.That I could control the game.To be honest, I don’t think there is something more out there, but I need to believe it.I need to believe there is a scape, an exit from this joke.I’ve been hurt in the past by Nick, Eddy.And I found the way to retrieve my happiness.But if I fail this time, I swear I won’t stay here to see how this skyhooker falls down.I swear I won’t.
This is kind of weird, but I don’t want to worry you Eddy.I’m not feeling good.I need a scape.Otherwise I am going to turn mad.I’m going to loose control of this dimension.There must be some way to beat “him”...[...]
Pete Havelock - Chapter 3